Date Everything isn’t just a dating sim that lets you court your own existential dread, it’s also a great example of how to deal with sensitive topics – preview
Let’s say that you’re an eligible bachelor with a house full of things, but nobody to share those things with. It must get lonely, right? Nobody to watch that new movie on the telly with, or to eat your leftovers in the fridge. Nobody to remind you that the trash needs taking out, or to curl up in front of the fire with. It’s an alright life, maybe – peaceful, for sure, but something is missing.
Now, what if I told you that you could date everything in your house? Lonely no longer thanks to the ability to become romantically entwined with your bed, rizz up your fireplace, or practice swooning your fridge.
Well, Date Everything toys with that exact concept, giving you — the player, and eligible bachelor — a pair of magical sunglasses (known as Dateviators, obviously) that make this a reality. Far from your ordinary pair of aviators, putting them on grants you the ability to see the mostly-human forms of all these things that you have in your home. What happens when things take on human forms? It’s human nature to try and f*ck them, I guess…
Who needs the likes of dating apps when the Dateviators have been dropped off at your doorstep? In Date Everything, you need not even leave the house for a date, and can go about dating approximately 102 different household items and concepts — including hate itself — from the comfort of your home.
Developed by SassyChap Games, co-founded by Robbie Daymond and Ray Chase of voice-acting fame, it comes as no surprise that this wacky cast of datable household objects happen to be voiced by a bunch of — excuse the pun — household names.
Laura Bailey, Matt Mercer, Felicia Day, and Neil Newbon are just a few voices you can look forward to hearing alongside Robbie and Ray’s tones, breathing life, quite literally, into these household objects and their 80+ hours of dialogue.
During a brief demo of the game at Team17’s Showcase in February, we were introduced to a handful of the character’s that players will get to meet once the game launches during June 2025. There’s a wide range of different relationships to form. Some objects will desire and require intense relationships, while other objects will only reveal themselves to you depending on your actions in existing relationships. Just like real life, I guess.
Others are less than interested in you romantically, but you’ll still find yourself forming meaningful friendships with them. In some instances, you may even grow to hate some of the things around your home.
After all, with 102+ datable objects to try and bone, it would become old, fast, if every relationship played out the same way. SassyChap Games wants to offer players variation, replayability, and surprises above all else. Though, as much as it wants people to have a fun, cosy time playing Date Everything, there are some deeper topics for players to consider too as they get to know this cast of things from around their home.
Fortunately, for those of us wanting to focus on that cosy, fun part above all else, there is a setting available that warns the player of any potentially triggering topics a character’s story may delve into before fully engaging with that character, which was great to see included in a game like this.
Relationships can be unpredictable, after all. Dating your floorboards, empty coat hangers, or games consoles is no doubt even more unpredictable, but one thing that Date Everything looks to guarantee is that it’ll be relaxing, wacky (and replayable!) fun – akin to the goofiness of Hatoful Boyfriend and Monster Prom. What good company it keeps, which I think is very fitting for a game with this theme.
Date Everything is coming to Nintendo Switch, PlayStation, Xbox, and PC in June 2025.